


Here Comes the (Boom)

by Epiphanyx7



Category: Iron Man (Movies), The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Break Up, Canon Het Relationship, Crack, F/M, Fluff, Friendship, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-16
Updated: 2013-02-16
Packaged: 2017-11-29 11:06:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 335
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/686260
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Epiphanyx7/pseuds/Epiphanyx7
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony and Pepper’s breakup goes something like this.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Here Comes the (Boom)

**Author's Note:**

> This is a joke. It was mostly a mental excercise for me, personally. In so many Avengers stories, Pepper and Tony break up offscreen and there is either no fallout, or little fallout, or they go right back to being friends... and that's okay! I like that! I just wanted to write a scene where Tony and Pepper break up and CAN go right back to being friends after that.
> 
> Anyways this was how I thought Tony and Pepper's breakup, the one that doesn't involve depression or spirals of self-loathing or tears, goes. This is the version where they break up, mutually and amicably, and there are no hard feelings or emotional fallout to deal with. 
> 
> BOOM!

Tony and Pepper’s breakup goes something like this:

\--

“You seem distracted,” Pepper snuggles a little closer to him, shivering.

Tony rubs her ankles, humming absently. He is distracted, actually, because he’s been thinking about this -- about them, for a while now. And, well. The thing is, it’s Pepper.

“Tony?” She says. “Is something wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong Pep,” he replies, looking down at her. “I just-- you know I love you, right?”

She smiles up at him, and Tony looks down and sees every single one of her perfect, wonderful freckles on her perfect, wonderful face, and he can’t imagine his life without her.

“Pepper?” He says, quietly.

“Mmm?”

“Will you marry me?”

Pepper jerks in his arms, eyes widening almost comically. She stares at him, blue eyes meeting his, and then she opens her mouth and she says, “Tony, I think I’m pregnant.”

\--

Long story short? Pepper isn’t pregnant.

\--

“I love you, Pepper,” Tony says, still a little shell-shocked. “But I do not want to have your babies. Ever. I do not want _any babies ever._ ”

“I love you too, Tony,” Pepper replies, clutching at his shirt with one hand and her martini glass with the other. “But I do not want to have your babies. God. No. No babies ever.” She shudders.

“Thank god.” Tony groans, stealing a sip of her martini. “I just-- can you imagine us as parents? That child would be speaking legalese and building robots and have _no social skills._ ”

Pepper snatches the martini back. “I have never been more relieved to start bleeding from my vagina,” she confesses.

“Pepper, and I say this with all the love and respect in the world -- I have never been more terrified of any woman’s nether regions than I am of yours. I am never, ever having sex with you again,” Tony vows, gulping from her martini when she raises it in silent agreement.

They both finish the martini in silence.

“We’re breaking up,” Pepper decides.

“That’s probably for the best,” Tony agrees.

\--

**Author's Note:**

> Follow me on [Tumblr!](http://epiphanyx7.tumblr.com/) Or, if you need a dose of the fluffy and joyous things in world, try following my fluffy side blog: [Fluffpocalypse.](http://fluffpocalypse.tumblr.com/)


End file.
